How to Help an Alcoholic

You have stood back and watched as your adult son has let his life spiral out of control because drinking has taken over his life. You know it has been rough with the youngest child being diagnosed with a chronic illness and how his reduction of hours at work has affected his finances. He has been drinking more to deal with it all, leaving the stress of taking care of the family to his wife. He is now creating messes for her to clean up, like his recent suspension from work due to not showing up on time, leaving her to deal with financial issues on her own. You try to be a good mom and not interfere, but the last straw was the DUI he just received after attending his friend’s birthday party.

Is it really alcohol use disorder (AUD)?

You do not want to make a fuss or find out that you are overreacting to a situation of which you don’t know the whole story. It could be nothing more than just a drinking to the point of inebriation during a stressful time. Does he drink like this consistently? People with AUD don’t drink in moderation. You may not be able to recognize some of the following signs, such the fighting of cravings, but you will recognize enough. So, what criteria does the world of psychology consider to determines if someone is an alcoholic?

• They drink larger amounts than intended or for a longer period of time
• They cannot cut back on their drinking even when they wholeheartedly try
• They spend a great deal of time finding alcohol, drinking it, and recovering from hangovers
• They fight off intense cravings for alcohol
• They are failing at major responsibilities, such as those regarding family, work, or school
• They continue to drink despite the problems it is causing
• They are giving up important social, work, and recreational activities
• Drinking when it’s dangerous, such as when they must drive somewhere
• Continued drinking despite mental and physical problems due to or worsened by its occurrence
• They have built a tolerance, meaning they have to drink more to feel the same effects that they used to
• They experience withdrawal symptoms when they try to stop

The level of severity of AUD is determined based on the following:

• Mild – when 2-3 symptoms are present
• Moderate – when 4-5 symptoms are present
• Severe – when 6 or more symptoms are present

What should I know before I intervene in an alcoholic’s life?

Deciding that it’s time to step in can be difficult. Your main goal is to help that person. You only want to see them as happy and healthy as they used to be, but they most likely will not see it that way. They may lack the skills necessary to cope with the situations that life is handing them. They may also have a mental illness that would benefit from the assistance of medical professionals. The majority of them do not have the insight to recognize the severity of their issues, and that’s hard for even the healthiest of individuals in today’s society. Approaching them in anger will not produce the desired result, so making sure that you are also in the right mental space is helpful. There are things that you can do to help the one you love, and they include:

• Educate yourself
  • This may be one of the most important steps. Sometimes what looks like alcoholism from the outside is a social habit that only occurs when you are in their presence during a social event. Research can help someone to better understand how the person feels and what may drive their need to drink. The better equipped you are, the more you can help and support them in their journey. Sources to help family members include:
    • Al-Anon – a group for friends and family of alcoholics comprised of people going through the same experiences
    • AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) – a 12-step program designed to support and educate recovering alcoholics.
    • SAMHSA – The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has the goal of reducing the impact of substance abuse and mental health in America. They provide a plethora of educational insight.
    • NIAAA – The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism conducts research on alcohol use and how it affects people. They provide the largest amount of funding for alcohol research in the world.
• Practice approaching that person
  • When you go over a variety of scenarios in your head as to how they will respond when you approach them regarding their drinking, it will help you refine your wording to maximize its effectiveness. You do not want to accuse them, be negative, or hurtful. Remaining calm is important.
• Pick the right moment to initiate the talk
  • Make sure that they are sober and not preoccupied with or in a bad mood about other problems. It should be somewhere private with no interruptions.
• Have an open mind and listen
  • You want to approach them with love. Be honest but listen to them and respond with compassion.
• Make sure they know that you are there to support them
• Intervention time – this is used when the person is resistant. It may help to include a professional counselor.
  • Intervening and talking privately are two different things. An intervention involves:
    • Planning
    • Giving consequences
    • Sharing
    • Presenting treatment options after doing your homework and researching a variety of facilities

Aftercare and maintenance are where you are going to be of great assistance. If you have laid the groundwork to establish that you are a reliable source of support throughout the entire process, they will seek your support when they are having a hard time coping. One of the hardest things to do in life is to watch someone you love hurt themselves, mentally and physically. If they have hurt you in the process as well, it may require a great deal of forgiveness on your part; however, the benefits that you reap may be well worth the effort that you put into it. Relationships are what make living the human experience worthwhile. They help us evolve as individuals and teach us how to improve our beliefs in the process. Helping a loved one return to the life they used to find fulfilling can be a difficult but satisfying path.